{Thank you for checking in on our “Letters to my Children” blog circle! If you are here visiting from Beth’s blog, welcome! This is a personal project and a way to share my thoughts with my own children. I will be updating this blog with a letter to one or both of my children monthly. Along with me are several other lovely ladies who are taking on the same project, check out Casey’s letter to her son !}
Dearest Quincy and Maisie,
Another Mother’s Day has come and gone, and it always brings back the memories of a very special Mother’s Day 9 years ago when I found out that I was going to be a mother myself. I was so filled with anticipation and excitement, and really…I didn’t even have a clue! I wasn’t sure how I would handle the sleepless nights, or if I could get through childbirth, or what I needed to do to keep my baby safe, dry, fed and warm. Luckily for all of us, after eight years I seem to have figured all of those little things out and we all seem to be doing OK. But, that doesn’t mean I don’t still worry and wonder every single day about this big, important job of being your mother. It just means that the worries I have are much more complex then they were on that Mother’s Day 9 years ago, and I am pretty sure that they will be worries I have throughout my entire life.
I worry about finding a balance between protecting you and allowing you to experience the pain, heartache and sadness that will develop your character and build your strength. Life isn’t always fair and easy, but the way you handle these disappointments will be critical to how you are perceived and, hopefully, admired. As your mother, I would like for life to go smoothly and happily, but I know that is not what will be best for you in the long run. Forgive me if it sometimes feels as though I am not doing enough, or…maybe even sometimes when it feels like I am doing too much.
I worry about being engaged enough, ensuring you always feel confident and unconditionally loved. Sometimes it feels as though I have so much on my “to do” list that dishes come before cuddles, laundry before story time, and dinner before a game of chase. I pray that I will be in tuned well enough with you to see when I need to stop and spend time with you and recognize that the other little things can wait until later, but sometimes your little hearts cannot.
I worry about the example I am setting for you. In everything I do, or don’t do, I know you are watching. The foods I choose to eat, my exercise habits, my work ethics, the amount of time I spend on the computer or watching TV, my own self-esteem, my role as a wife/sister/daughter/neighbor/friend, my demonstration of faith in God, my attitude, patience and gratitude etc. etc. etc. Everyday I think about the example I am setting for you, and some days I do better than others, but it is always on my mind.
I don’t think any of these worries are unusual and I am fairly certain that all other mothers have very similar concerns, and honestly, these are just the tip of the irrational worry “iceberg”. I wonder how these will change as you grow older, becoming teenagers and adults. I predict they will change, but never really ever go away. It’s the motherhood badge of “worry”, and we all wear it.
I love you (and worry for you, too)
Always,
Mom
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